The Shenanigans of Momo Fujikawa
by luckylurker
Summary: Momo was just a kid that lived on the wrong side of town with the wrong kid of people, that's all right? WRONG! Because APPARENTLY Ma did the do with some ninja clan guy and thought it would be a great idea to "pursue her fatheres line of work" Like Ma's any better, anyway Uzu aparently dosent exist anymore so going with the next best thing, TO KONOHA! (helpmewhatamidoingitsanoc)


oooo:Doooo

"Ano, who did you say you were again?"

"Momo Fujikawa, this is like the fifth time you shit head can't you just let me in already?"

"Fujikawa-san, I get where you're coming from but I'm sure you understand that we can't just let a possibly armed stranger into the village right away."

A very irritated and altogether pissed off Momo gave a 'you've got to be shitting me' glare at the poor gate guard, she had been standing here for _fifteen_ minutes, fifteen _goddamn_ minutes and she still hadn't been let into the god damn place. Seriously 'Ma was fucking insane, 'you must be a ninja' she said, 'it will be fun' she said.

Not to mention the competence of this here gate guard she was lookin' at, really she was only like fukin' twelve and this guy was already having blue balls from only her slightly deathy death glare. What kind of work did they even put guys like this through to give 'em such a lax back? She could tell just by the way this kid walked that he hadn't seen much and that in it of itself was pretty pathetic.

"Well guess what smart-ass you have kept me waiting here long enough to not only warm up your coffee, but drink all of it, and then warm up another one! So goddamn it I am going to walk into this fucking town and fucking sit down somewhere before I kill a bitch, ya dig?"

One of the dudes in the porcelain masks that were chilling around the gate hopped down at that, Momo was pretty sure it was a chick though with the way the hips occasionally twitched back from what was probably going to be a slight sway, shitty ninjas with their shitty grab on body language.

"Fujikawa-san that won't be necessary, if you would please calm down I would be able to show you to where you may be processed into the village."

Momo snorted, then swiveled around to face the masked chick, a practiced movement that was both hella cute and hella graceful in the matters of weight distribution. There was a name for these masked people right, was it BomBu? AnKu? Kinda hard to remember this shit when nay 5 months ago she was pretty sure she was destined to grow up as a cum dumpster.

"Finally some fuckin' hospitality! Lead the way Miss whatever the fuck your face is." Momo beamed, dumb stick up the butt gate guard thoroughly forgotten.

The masked figure nodded -a slight jitter in her shoulders the only hint she got that Maskie actually found her statement funny- and started walking in a direction that was either where she would actually be processed as a foreigner into the village or where she would be discretely killed in some back alley, didn't really matter tho, either way the state of her life would drastically change.

The walk was in a pleasant silence, both parties understood that they were just doing something they needed to be done and that it would be best to finish it up with the least amount of effort possible. They did get more then a few odd looks from those that saw 'em walking 'round. To which Momo just gave a very cheeky wink that probably looked very disturbing on a twelve year olds face. Could have gotten more though when factoring in the way all the ninja just twitched slightly instead of outright looking at her, fucking pansies they were. Then again 'Ma did always go one 'bout how being discreet and shit was important but whatever, if they couldn't look her in the face she wouldn't give 'em the light a day.

"Fujikawa-San, we are here. I believe this where we part ways." Mask-mataz pointed at a haunty looking building she had brought them two, whelp, getting killed was still an option at least.

"Thanks lady, so I just walk in yeah? Not going to get shanked right?"

"No, you will not get 'shanked'."

"Alrighty, later then Maskie!"

And with that Momo Fujikawa strutted into the I&T department with all the confidence of a dead man walking

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"Let me see if I under stand this, you are apparently a bastard child of the Uzumaki clan?"

"Yeeup."

"And your mother, who is a whore that lives _across the country_ only bothered to tell you that once you turned twelve so she would have an excuse to kick you from the house?"

"Preeetty much."

"You do realize the only reason I believe you is because your story is so terrible it can't be anything but real."

"Kinda figured."

The very old man sitting at the desk gave an exasperated sigh and you could practically see his bones disintegrating under his skin. She could see why this would be a hassle but hey she was here? That was pretty cool, didn't think just showing up in a really stingy ninja village and claiming to be half Uzumaki could let you meet an old dude that was apparently really important.

"Sorry Gramps, I would have gone to Whirlpool but apparently they got what was commin to them so that was a no show, ya dig?"

Oh shit that made the bone thing worse, god damn ninjas.

"So yup I'm here with my non existent ninja skills, i can mug and/or mack civilians if ya want tho. Kinda have practice with that ya dig?"

What looked like a half contained sputter took over the old fart, poor guy, didn't he know what a phedo was? If the leader of a shinbone(shobony? shanoobe?) village did not know what a phedo was these were sad sex times indeed.

Several hours and many repetitions of her life story later it was agreed that Momo _Uzumaki_ would be accepted into the village and sent to live with her cousin Kushina Uzumaki after she had been recovered from a band of missing nine that had taken her hostage, because honestly the whore got knocked up scenario was indeed a lot more humorous but very ill fated and probably would get the wrong sort of vibes sent the childs way.

Or, at least, it _would_ have been were it not for the very rational and slightly amusing logic that had come from the girl. Claiming that wielding the name of her father who she had never known and hardly even mourned verses the name of her mother who she had grown up with for the first 12 years of her life was quite an obvious choice. So instead the story stayed the same, minus the name change, honestly though it was quite cute she made such a fuss over heritage at such a young age.

Which was how the Sandaime Hokage had found himself walking a child with very colorful language down to a house he for the life of him didn't even remember being to before.

A knock on a door and a surprised Kushina later confirmed that he, indeed, had not been here before."

"Hello, Kushina-chan. May we step in for a moment?" Momo gave a peak from behind The Hokages slightly flowing robes that seemed almost shy.

The two gave a blink at each other, before Momo piped up. "Whats up toots, can I raid your pantry now?"

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Well, there goes the secretly shy and boisterous as some sort of self defense mechanism theory.

"Momo the pantry doesn't fill itself, ya know!"

"But I'm sooo huuungry toots, please, my one true beauty in life, have mercy on your poor little cousin."

"Little cousin my ass you're a black hole! If you're hungry go mooch off of someone else!"

"Says the person who mooches off of her boyfriend!"

Kushina blushed, and quickly defended her adolescent virtue with a quick "Minato is not my boyfriend!"

Momo just gave an incredulous stare "You say that now toots, but when you get all knocked up and a little habenaro's going to be running all over the place I'll be there, saying I told you so."

The punch to the head was totally worth it.

Ok but the choke hold was not abscond motherfukin abscond! Momo ninjad over the couch and The two teens ran about the house as kids should do, making up for whatever dumb ninja shit they had done today in a few minutes of bullheaded stupidity. Momo jumping just out of reach of the hotblooded habanero as said ninja chick tried to catch her in a game that had practically become a sisterly ritual since the two had been shoved in the same house together.

After the slightly awkward introduction the two had gotten along like a firework store in fire, so like they got along hella well. Teasing and poking each other as if Momo had always been there in the first place, even when she had been introduced to the few good friends Kushina had she had made a lasting (if perverse) good impression and got along with almost everyone just fine as long as they tolerated her brashness.

Then again if you hung around with Uzumaki you sorta had to have a tolerance for brashness.

By the time they were done Kushina was left exhausted on the couch as Momo shouted the occasional innuendo at her from the safety of the kitchen window. Really they had a fucking weird relationship but they'd whatever they could get.

oooo:Doooo

Authors note:I'm sorry to subject the world to my horribly convoluted thought process in writing but twoday i was just thinking "lol i read alot of fanfiction, maybe if i write one shit will happen!" and then this happened. so yaaaayyyyy.

If you have any sugjestions on what to even do with this feel free to tell me 'bout it ya kno. because I have way to much free time on my hands so figured why not yeah?

Oh and should prob xplain the ninja bashing, see, i figured if you lived with a whore, a proffesion that litteraly lives off of body reactions, wouldnt Momo have a better grasp of things like body language than teh average person? Idk just a personal thought, i do plan on updating this whether people notice it or not but ay could always make things better. also i know i didnt do any scene transitiony stuff which is cheating byt i feel so laaaazy, so maybe next time.


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